Recently, a girlfriend who I had not seen in a while asked what I had been up to, after I told her what I’d been doing for the past year she said, “Best. Missionary. Update. Ever.” Here’s what I told her:
“After selling almost everything we owned, my husband, 18 month old daughter, and I packed our lives into 8 moving boxes and on February 1, 2011 hopped a plane to Roatan, a tiny island in the Caribbean off the coast of Honduras. We lived with some friends and ran a church for 3 moths, then we started renting a hotel to run as a short-term missionary hotel. That was awesome, but stressful, because the place was kinda falling part and a literal roach motel. At one point we were super stressed and needed a ‘vacation’ so we ‘road tripped’ it to the other side of the island, like 20 miles – which is pretty rough and sparsely populated – thinking it would be relaxing. Instead we had a guy step out of the jungle in fatigues and point an AK47 in our faces and demand all our money. Worst ‘vacation’ ever. So after freaking out we called our counselor and she totally got us through it. She said we all needed to do some self-care so I decided to go get my hair cut… actually, I just wanted a trim. I totally thought that would relax me.. until the hairdresser gave me a full-on mullet. Worst haircut ever. (Especially since I have super fine, straight hair.) Still trying to grow that mess out 8 months later. So my husband for his self care decided to go for a moto, errrr… scooter, ride with the intern to get something at the store and the police pull them over and tell the hubs that they are holding the intern until he comes back with 4 gallons of gas. SO he was held up by a gunman, then held up by the police. So he’s super stressed and decides the best remedy is to go get a copy of Harry Pottery and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 and some popcorn. We are down to our last $20 because of all this being held-up, but we need some serious therapy in the form of movies and snacks, so he was willing to spend it for our “mental health.” As he heads out in the moto he gets stopped by the police again and they tell him that he his paperwork is bad and that they are going to impound the bike. Since there is no impound lot on our island, that really means that the police wanted his moto for themselves. My husband says ‘how much is the fine, I will pay it… I have $20 right here’ and the cop says ‘Wow, whataya know, the fine is $20.’ So at that point we had officially been robbed 3 times in one week. Then we found out that we were paying rent to a guy that did not own the hotel we were living in… um, ok. So we moved to another house that was 20 minutes past the last town, down a paved road, then another 15 minutes on a dirt road, then a 10 minute walk through a trash-filled swamp. Seriously, could the stress get any worse? Apparently, the answer is yes, because we got asked to leave that house. I do not even wanna go into it, it was so lame… but lets just say it involved some coconuts and a machete-wielding neighbor. Crazy. So, needless to say: I was pissed… and I told the Lord that. I was doing a Bible Study and reading about the servants that are hired through out the day and how the land owner pays them all the same amount (which is BTW the amount they agreed to work for) and the people that worked the longest were ticked that they did not get more money than those that worked only a short time. The Lord totally spoke to me and said, ‘Is what we agreed on not good enough for you?’ I realized that I had told Him I was willing to follow Him anywhere, but I was complaining every step of the way. Granted some pretty gnarly stuff happened, but my attitude seriously stank, so He had to word me up. I always thought missionaries were super spiritual people and able to handle anything. Those jerks had me fooled, but not anymore, now I know better because I am one of them.”
To this replied “Best. Missionary. Update. Ever.”
So I had a gnarly 2011… and I am back for more in Roatan in 2012. I decided to start this blog to record all the craziness that might happen this year as well as all the awesome. Enjoy.